Journal Entry: "I'm a photographer, non-practicing."

I try as often as possible to write in a journal, but I keep them in a notebook never to be looked at again.  You could say that the reason I create is about the journey or the process, so I want to preserve all of the process I possibly can.  Instead of writing some thoughts to myself, I'll start putting them here. That's what a blog is for, right?

Hank Moody, in the first episode of Californication, comes to Los Angeles and introduces himself in a pretty interesting way.  "I'm a writer, non-practicing."  Or something to that effect.  This quote struck me, because I feel this way a lot, especially lately.  When I'm introduced to someone, or should someone decide to label me, I'm called a photographer.  Now, I'm fine with that, and it's not inaccurate.  Yes, I do a 365 project, and have a photo every day, yet, I've been working on autopilot.  I let the shots happen, don't take risks, and haven't really been planning out my photos day to day.  

Whatever.  I can beat myself up about and blog about how much of a failure I've been all day long.  But really, beating myself up about doesn't really solve the problem for too long does it?  Fact is, maybe I don't want to doom myself to forever be labeled a photographer.  A year ago, I predicted I'd be pretty dedicated to the whole freelance thing and just do that.  Then, I started picking up all kinds of other stuff.  I started writing more, drawing, and even podcasting.  A year ago, I would do a fine job at freelance, I know I'm a good photographer.  But I knew I was on the edge of something bigger than just photography, some sort of huge creative breakthrough that defines the path I choose.  

Photography is the thing that's gonna get me to the other thing.  It opened up this whole world to me.  

The 365 is more than just a photo a day, it's a thing a day, it's everything I do.  I've been trying to be too much in the middle, half average photography freelancer, and half content creator.  There has to be a balance. So lately, I've been doing less photography than ever, but I don't feel like it's a waste.  Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'll never figure it all out. All I gotta do is keep making stuff.

For now, I'm a photographer, non-practicing. (More or less)