The simple fact right now is I don't know what I am.
I saw an instagram post from a guy I follow saying he thought he was originally a photographer, then filmmaker, then social media manager, and so on. He discovered he was was something else entirely.
That's all to say, over the past five years of discovery, I've been trying to figure out quite what I do. I was really set on the idea of being a photographer, but I was ultimately dissatisfied with it, I wanted to do more.
Then I moved to podcasting, which I also love, but it is difficult and I have lost my original vision for my original podcast project. I didn't keep it tight. Now, I'm having to correct it before I end it (on Episode 52) to start a new podcast project.
Now, I'm attempting to make videos, which makes more sense anyway due to my love of movies. I'm in that honeymoon phase with it, and I can say I like it much more for documenting my life than photography.
During all of this, I'm working to dissect social media, and figure out for myself what works best. I wrote out a social media plan and I'm executing it through different accounts (some secret ones), so I can have some credibility when I give "white walls and coffee style" photographers crap for being unauthentic.
I have all of the pieces, now I'm trying to figure out how to use them together so I can finally start my big project. The one that takes me somewhere beyond Chattanooga.
I'm trying to figure out who I am, what skills I'm missing, what skills I need to develop. Fortunately, I'm not doing this alone. I have my awesome wife helping me no matter what, (I can't stress how baffled I am that I ended up with such a patient and loyal woman, I definitely don't deserve her) and I have incredible mentors basically giving me a business degree through experience. I'm making progress faster than ever, but I still need to figure out who I am.
Ultimately, I want to be different. I want to be honest in my work. I want to be as real as I can. I don't want to be someone I'm not, I've spent too much time doing that.
Yesterday, I read this medium post by Gary Vaynerchuck called "The Entrepreneurial Spirit: Are Entrepreneurs born or made?"
It was kind a weird reading this, I hate reading self-help stuff. But he often talks about self-awareness which is something no one else is talking about. (Maybe because most self-help, life-coach stuff is written by delusional 20 years olds thinking they have actual experience in anything) The traits of actual entrepreneurs seem to be pretty spot on. I possess many of them: I definitely have a chip on my shoulder and something to prove (maybe because I used to be picked on growing up and called lazy) I know I can be a salesman I just haven't gotten a chance to really exercise that muscle, but I've been effective before. But the main thing I don't possess a lot of is patience. That's what the 365 is teaching me: to breathe and take it a day at a time. But I hate it. Maybe that flaw proves I shouldn't ever run anything, or maybe I just need to work overtime to develop it.
Maybe I'm meant to work at an insurance company in a cubicle. Maybe I'm meant to just work for someone forever. Maybe I'm meant to run a business. Maybe I need to just shut up and go be a photographer since I've invested so much in it already.
By the end of 2016, most if not all of these questions will be answered. I can feel it. I'm documenting it day by day on Youtube, and this week has been a hard, depressing one. You can probably figure that out if you watch today's vlog.