Initiative: how outrunning laziness led to chaos and disappointment

still from vlog 50

still from vlog 50

Growing up, I was called lazy. It wasn’t untrue, I pretty much only played video games and watched tv. I was bad in school because I didn’t care about it (although my distaste for school never really changed). I rarely worked with my hands because a controller was all I needed to do what was really important. You could say I was a normal nerd.

My parents called me lazy. My teachers (online teachers) said I didn’t have drive or seem to care. I was often told I needed to take initiative. Initiative. Initiative. I heard that word a lot.

Then I got into photography, finally something that I could go out and do that I actually enjoyed. I worked hard at that because it didn’t feel like work.

So one day in college I decided to prove to the world that I could take initiative and follow through on something. I started a 365 project where I would post a photo on Facebook every day for a year. I was still new at photography so the photos are mostly cringe-worthy now, but that’s part of the journey.

After that completing that one, I started another 365 project. I didn’t finish it due to family issues.

A year later, I started a new 365 project called 365 Reloaded (#365Reloaded on Instagram). It came from the same place as the first. I completed that one.

Immediately after that, I started a portrait-only 365 Project called IV (#365IV on Instagram). It was great, I’m actually proud of that one. I got this high off it though: if I could get so much better at photography just working on it every day let me try and get good at something else. Podcasting was the next thing.

During IV, I started my weekly podcast, The 365 with Will MaloneI was taking initiative more than ever, I finally didn’t feel lazy.

Now, I’m 50 days into my sixth 365 project, but I’m doing video now(vlogging). And photography. And a weekly podcast. Oh and they all suck now and I’m not proud of any of them.

Everything I’ve ever created has been an attempt to outrun my laziness and take initiative. It’s a great goal, but it’s gotten out of control. I’ve oversaturated my own work, and nothing I’ve made is good now. I’m making too much and I’m ultimately depressed by my work.

I succeeded in proving I’m capable of not being lazy and I can take initiative.

Now I just need to prove I can make great work.