Ugh, here I go again

I have a weird love/hate relationship with blogging. 

I love writing and getting stuff out to clear my thoughts, so in this way this place is like my diary that everyone can read. I write with the mindset that this is my own gross little corner of the internet; a, dare I say, safe space for me.

 But a lot of people read this thing now, which wasn't the case when this started. 

I used to be able to write some crazy stuff on here, but now I leave the controversy to my slightly click-bait titles. (Throwbacks Are For Losers was part "I can't think of a good title"/"Oooh this will get a bunch of clicks") When this all started with my lowly blogspot (which is still up), pretty much my mom was my most consistent reader. (If Will blogs a forest and no one reads it, does he even make a sound?) I still write as if no one is going to read this, and sometimes, I'm afraid I go too far.

I just want to be clear: I'm not an authority on anything. Certainly, rawness and abrasive rants sell, how else would Anthony Bourdain or Gary Vaynerchuk be a success? I don't have the experience of those guys yet. Yes, I probably have more knowledge about photography than the average 24 year old that starts a photography business, but that's only because of the smart people I've been lucky enough to have around me.

Ranting about photography is such a low-stakes game, it doesn't take much to get knowledge about it. In 20 years or so, when my kids are old enough to talk back, they'll scroll through Dad's early-twenties ramblings and say, "Why are you saying photographers are greedy? Did people used to get paid to take photos?" 

I think my biggest fear is coming off like one of these bitter, know it all 20-somethings who thinks he's figured it out so he can start telling people how to live. The way I talk is dry and sarcastic, and I write how I talk. The people that know me know this (a friend told me he enjoys reading it because he can hear me narrating it in his head), but if you don't know me, I come off like a prick.

There's my constant struggle with being an internet person. If you're a blogger, vlogger, Insta-famous, or whatever, you're always going to end up having to pretend you know something and can give advice to the world. I get caught up in that for a moment, and then I remember, "Yikes, this doesn't feel good." Then I usually take an extreme measure and quit blogging for a while.  

That said, I've gained a readership that I didn't expect (ever), and so maybe writing like no one is going to read it is attracting people to come read this thing. If I didn't write about something that triggered a post earlier in the day/week/month or whatever, I don't know what I'd even write about.

Anyways, this was a long way of saying that I want to make sure I stay in check here. I don't want to be or sound like a know-it-all jerk. I know it's taboo for an "internet entrepreneur" or whatever the hell I am to admit that I don't actually know anything, but hey, I'm a taboo guy.