I've said my hobby is writing on this blog, yet writing on this blog as a hobby makes me guilty of the thing I hate most about internet culture today. Ultimately, I spend more time writing about doing than actually doing. I love talking about movies and commenting on them, but I'm not actually making anything, and writing about movies shouldn't be a placeholder for actually doing something.
For years now, since making my college senior art project photo series, I've wanted to paint stylized portraits. 3 years later, I haven't done anything to reach this goal because I suck and I'm too scared to even attempt it for one reason or another.
Photography has always felt like a halfway point for me, especially in the digital age. Say something horrible like an EMP took out electronic devices: Suddenly, nothing I've made so far would exist anymore. (other than the few prints I have) It would all just be gone like that because what I make is so reliant on a hardrive.
I've always wanted to make good stuff, but nothing that lives merely on a screen feels transcendent to me, it never feels fully realized. Now too, photography takes less and less skill by the day, so any of my photos' impressiveness has an expiration date.
I want to make stuff with staying power, something that can survive time, and that's why painting has always been the 900 pound gorilla sitting in a corner of my mind.
Here's the thing, I'm afraid to start because Number 1: I can't draw worth a damn, and Number 2: I know it will take years of work to be able to make what I want to make. I've gotten to the point with photography where I can visualize something and make it exactly how I thought of it, but that's taken 9 years to get to. Painting and/or drawing would probably take me way more than that because it's more than composing and pushing buttons.
Like photography, I guess the best way to start is just to start, and chip away at it every single day. This one just seems so far out of the realm of reality for me to actually become good at it that I've been putting it off forever.
This has been eating at me lately because I suddenly find myself hobby-less, now that photography and video is part of my daily work life. As I have less and less free time working on this new company I've been helping to build over the past couple years (more on that later), I'm in desperate need of an outlet for all of this, and I'd love if this outlet didn't require me to sit in front of a computer even more than I already do.