Lately, I've gotten my fill of photography whether it be side jobs or my own personal stuff. I haven't really had a chance to stop and breathe over the past couple weeks, and I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't seek out happiness because I believe it's a product of working hard or doing things that I generally don't really want to do. Exercising and being healthy actually makes me happy, but sometimes, like right now, I'd rather sit at my desk drinking coffee. If I continue to sit here and don't go to the gym, I'll be wrought with guilt for the rest of the day.
If I don't take a photo each day, or at least try, I can feel my soul leaving my body a bit. It's been long enough now, that I can look back and see the connection between being horribly depressed and "Wouldn't you have it, I wasn't taking photos back then."
I really don't want to go to the gym right now. But the depression will hit after 3 days of seeking happiness through inaction. That said, it's supposed to storm today, so maybe I'm better off inside. The coffee tastes so good today.
UPDATE: I just went to the gym, and while it's difficult to lift my arms to this keyboard now, I am in fact happier. Guess what? The coffee is still very good today.
Unfortunately, it seems happiness rarely comes from the easier option, at least for me. I used to be cool with watching Netflix all day, but now I can't make it five minutes into a show without feeling immense shame and turning it off. In the same way, I don't like scrolling through Instagram unless I have something to post.
When I take photos every day, I just feel better. I might not feel bad if I didn't take one today, but days add up, and in a week I would be extremely bummed out. Maybe I'm addicted to "likes" or that dopamine boost that I get when I post something (very likely), but I'd like to believe that I just enjoy what taking pictures gives me. If I document just a piece of every day, it makes that day, no matter how uninteresting, a little bit memorable, even if it is just a Wednesday.
I don't recommend the "Happiness or Guilt" lifestyle though, because it makes everything a much bigger deal than it is. Now that I think about it, from the outside, it looks like a hellish way to live. Hmm.